Shketches

2009-09-28T12:10:00.001-06:00

My new column is up, with so verrry important info about the lottery. http://ping.fm/kNsy0's_Columns

Building on the fly

2007-04-30T21:28:00.000-06:00

See Shelli's other blogs
http://www.BentOnBenton.com
http://iseefaces.blogspot.com
http://shellirussell.googlepages.com

Ian draws this time

2007-02-04T09:32:00.000-06:00

Ian grabbed the tablet and wanted to draw something. We often do an improv thing where one person gives a suggestion (normally a cross between two things) and the other person performs. This time I suggested Ian draw an Emo Worm. The big thing at the high schools is to be a sad, punky, gothy, hyper-dramatic "Emo." Please note that this has nothing to do with goony comic Emo Phillips. Scroll down to the bottom for more on that. Well done on the worm I think.

My guess was Bart Simpson's head after a fight with Nelson the bully. Ian would not divulge the true answer.

Apparently, Ian's take is that even though dogs don't know what the heck we're saying, they would like a chance to say it too.

Ian's depiction of Gracie talking to the TV while her favorite show, Little Einsteins is on. It's funny that in that show, the kids are always telling the viewers to put their hands over their heads, but the Little Einsteins' heads are so big that they can't reach over their own heads. Anyway, every so often some character in the show asks a question to get the audience to be interactive. Gracie was interacting with Quincy. Yeah, I think Ian spelled it wrong.

And here's a picture I drew of Ian, just so you know what he looks like.

If you don't know what Emo is, or if you'd like to laugh at society's attempts on explaining it (kind of like explaining why you like Apple Jacks) the Wikipedia entry defines it thusly:

Emo is a somewhat ambiguous, controversial slang term most frequently used to describe a fashion or subculture which is usually defined to have roots in punk fashion and subculture, as well as some attributes of gothic fashion and subculture. It is loosely defined, and its meaning varies by region, but most definitions share a number of similarities.

See the rest of the definition and some pictures by clicking here.

Meanwhile, thanks Ian, for contributing your scribbles.

Makes me squeamo

2007-01-24T01:08:00.000-06:00

Astronaut's Career Catapulted

2006-11-11T10:23:00.000-06:00

First Zipper

2006-11-11T10:20:00.000-06:00

Gracie produces me

2006-11-10T22:51:00.000-06:00

It started out that Gracie saw me using the graphics tablet to draw something and she wanted to "color" too. So I let her play around in Photoshop a little with the stylus. Then she asked me to draw Dragon Tales, this show she watched on PBS this morning that I personally believe came from the belly of my personal demon, Lakov Imaginicus. Due to these dearly held views, I do not know the characters' names nor do I intend to learn them. I just know it's a bunch of dumb dragons who are either too sweet or too simple for my superb taste. All this aside, I want to keep intact Gracie's notion that I can draw anything, so the first two below illustrate my attempts.

First, Gracie asked me to draw some infernal creature whose name escapes me. It sounded from the name like a large dragon, so I started in the T-Rex theme and added spikes and fire breath for dragony-ness.

Gracie was delighted with the drawing, but unfortunately, not delighted to no end, since she next asked me to draw some other something from -- what was the name of the show again, and is it really considered educational television?? This time, I struggled a little more, and tried to make something from Land Before Time except ferocious-looking, thusly the jagged teeth. She said it looked like Charlie, the alligator from the insanely cute show Maisy Mouse (google it). I was not offended, since the teeth are somewhat 'gator-y, and besides, I didn't know the thing I was drawing in the first place.

I thought she was growing disinterested when she asked me to erase Charlie and draw a picture of herself, Gracie. This subject, I knew what she looked like, but decided to draw a kitty cat instead just to get her reaction.
Gracie said, "It's me as a kitty for Halloween! Now draw me in my Clifford the Big Red Dog costume!

This Clifford drawing didn't come as quickly as the cat, since I wanted the drawing to actually resemble what she looked like in the costume. Also, she was sitting next to me and bumping my elbow. I did finish in a decent amount of time and with a decent amount of likeness. We both were satisfied with it I can assume, since she now hopped off the couch and plopped herself in her blue plush Tigger chair to catch the end of Sesame Street.

Pointed Head

2006-11-10T22:48:00.000-06:00

Green October

2006-09-28T10:16:00.000-06:00

I didn't listen to them

2006-08-19T23:31:00.000-06:00

Mine's in Chinese

2006-08-19T23:08:00.000-06:00

Like in Spinal Tap, only with snow

2006-08-18T09:07:00.000-06:00

Y'know in Spinal Tap where the band manager, Ian, draws Stonehenge on a napkin and gives it to the stage props guy, only he writes the symbol for inches (") instead of the one for feet ('), so they end up with a peewee Stonehenge the size of this ruler I'm holding up. Which is kinda weird actually when you figure that the band and their manager who drew on the napkin are all British and would be using the metric system. Either that's farce to the nth or... I can't remember if the props guy was an American. Perhaps the manager, being a Brit, wasn't familiar with the symbols and flubbed it.

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you it says "Winter" because this folder is for my Winter 2006-07 magazine stuff for my job. I draw on the folders so they're easy to find.

This is really how they talk

2006-08-04T10:10:00.000-06:00

If you've ever seen the show, the characters speak this flabba dabba mish mash to each other. I guess it's supposed to be all toddlery and junk. So anyway, it's a mouse that's the same size as an alligator and the alligator doesn't eat the mouse that looks like it's a boy but it's a girl that has other friends that are about the same size except the elephant and the uh... chick? Canary? I don't know what Tallulah is. A yellow girly bird. This drawing came about since Gracie wanted me to scribble with her. I made scribbles of stuff she could relate to.

Homemade

2006-07-20T23:49:00.000-06:00

I get Hanes

2006-07-20T23:47:00.000-06:00

I forget who sings it now

2006-07-20T23:45:00.000-06:00

Ancient Relic #17

2006-07-18T15:45:00.000-06:00

I totally used to want one of these really bad! I think there was a Corvette model.

Ancient Relic #22

2006-07-13T15:32:00.000-06:00

I found an old camera in my dresser drawer. It was a 35mm that I had begged my parents for before college. It was really cool because it would load and rewind the film all by itself! When I pulled it out of the drawer, it had dust all over it, and an incompleted roll of film still in it. Abandoned. Also in the drawer was a ziploc bag with 4 other rolls of film that had been used at some point or another, and one roll that was unused, still in the plastic case. I took all the film to the Walls-mart, and listed the camera and unused film as a giveaway on Freecycle. I listed it as follows:
-------------------------------------------------
OFFER: 20th Century Camera
0.0 Megapixels
0x Zoom
24 E-byte* Memory stick
See it at: http://photos.yahoo.com/shellirussell
Shelli in Benton
*E = exposure
--Check out SHELLI'S BELLY at http://shellirussell.googlepages.com/home
-------------------------------------------------
And somebody - well, more than one person - actually wanted it!
-------------------------------------------------
TAKEN: This ancient artifact went to a worthy archivist of such stupefying technology.

Let's just sayyy...

2006-06-27T22:37:00.000-06:00

There was a 2-year-old and a 6-year-old giving me suggestions on what to draw.

Suffer the species at the artist's hand

2006-06-22T20:05:00.000-06:00

It started out a fish, but the body ended up too skinny. I stuck with it and tried to save it with a fluffy tail, and then the first layer of tail wasn't enough. The next layer made it offishally a bird. With fishlips. I decided everyone's not perfect, and maybe somewhere on Galapagos Island, there is a bird with fish lips. But as anyone without a beak can tell you, such a condition can make it dang near impossible to chirp (unless you have a gap in your teeth to whistle through like me, and most fish and birds do not have teeth at all). Therefore, my new fishybirdy species has to go bloop to call its peers. If it ever gets any peers, that is.

Stick Scottie

2006-06-22T19:04:00.000-06:00

If Scottish Terriers were from Mexico, they would be Chihuahuas.

Mr. & Mrs. Redneck

2006-06-08T23:25:00.000-06:00

Yeah, it's in the jeans -er- genes. Ian drew this one a coupl'a years ago. I think he was like 10 or 11. He said that's not a double belt on the Misses. The top band is boxers sticking out of the top of her pants. Not sure why there's no hair. And the Mister! Argh! Even Urkel didn't hike 'em that high!

Ancient Relic #23

2006-06-08T23:22:00.000-06:00

When it was midnight and I was laying in the floor with my feet propped up on the front of the console tv like Mom said not to do, this crazy bunch of symbols would come on. I can't remember it exactly. It's been forever since I've seen it. But I'm pretty sure it had an American Indian and an eagle, and some color bars and some other junk like a sun or a circle with lines through it. Even in the late 80s, they didn't use it anymore - they just played a video of a flag waving and the national anthems, and then went to color bars. Since the dawn of the infomercial, everything was eventually 24/7, therefore killing the hypno-graphic.

have a snort

2006-05-26T15:56:00.000-06:00

Anti-Piratism

2006-05-22T10:30:00.000-06:00

I was thinking maybe Jerry Seinfeld could do some work for RIAA.

Mean it when you ring it

2006-05-22T10:25:00.000-06:00

I just sayin.

Cool License Plate #14

2006-05-19T22:50:00.000-06:00

Greeting cards niche #4

2006-05-18T11:42:00.000-06:00

Might not be Botox

2006-05-06T22:18:00.000-06:00

Spry in retirement

2006-05-02T22:51:00.000-06:00

No comment for fear of further excommunicating myself with society.

Where do you start eating?

2006-05-02T22:48:00.000-06:00

How yummy would six ears be? Six years of yummy! Wheeee!!! But then you'd have to break up the set. Would they be as happy? They couldn't be joined at the happy anymore.

New Holiday #1

2006-05-02T22:35:00.000-06:00

Or if you're not that ambitious, you could make it into a B. All I needed to know about faking report card grades I learned from my alarm clock LCD.

Make it snappy

2006-04-25T17:31:00.000-06:00

Shoot, I got the words wrong.

When the light goes out

2006-04-25T17:28:00.000-06:00

Cavities aren't just for kids anymore. Yo, I got Swiss teeth or somethin.

Not nice 2-point

2006-04-25T17:10:00.000-06:00

Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or somebody has points for their food. I wonder if their stuff is filling. If you really want filling, do the 7-Layer Super Nachos at the game.

Bunny & Tots

2006-04-25T17:05:00.000-06:00

I drew something to poke fun at what Nikkie's kids probably looked like on the first day of school 2005. She said it was dead on, and I think I got a ROTFL or at the very least an LOL out of it.

Ancient Relic #10

2006-04-23T01:51:00.000-06:00

And a darn shame, considering how corn-fusing Daylight Saving Time can be.Long westerly shadow: rooster crowing, breakfast, go to work and school.No shadow: put down your pencils and eat lunch.Long easterly shadow: go home, eat, sleep, get ready to do it again tomorrow.

Ancient Relic #6

2006-04-18T12:49:00.000-06:00

Ba-kshht Ba-kshht Ba-kshht "...top stories tonight..." Ba-kshht Ba-kshht "...but if you act now..." Ba-kshht Ba-kshht “…WHEEL! OF! FORTUUUUUUNE!!” Ba-kshht Ba-kshht Ba-kshht Ba-kshht Ba-kshht Ba-kshht “…Don’t have a cow, man!”

Okay now I can sit back on the couch.

Gumby's extremes

2006-04-18T12:13:00.000-06:00

Jack N Coke

2006-04-17T13:43:00.000-06:00

Samurai Jack! What are you doing in my Diet Coke? I figured you for a sugar hound. A naturalist!

HEY! I wasn't paying attention and posted this to the wrong blog! But it's a good opportunity for me to tell fans of my Shketches blog that I have another one called I See Faces where I mostly post pictures of things that look like they have a face - with a minority percentage of the content being little stick people warning signs and other things I might consider weird or funny.

You will respect my Lib-er-ti

2006-04-13T13:27:00.000-06:00

Gracie left her Carpal-Tunnel-Illustrator toy on the couch. Well, naturally, I felt the need to express both my creativity and my patriotism. It occured to me later when I received one of those email quizzes everyone forwards around that I wasn't sure which hand held what. I Googled it, and sat proudly in my swivel chair, knowing that Lady Liberty hoists the fire with her right. Point for Shelli

Boy could she hit the high C

2006-04-07T13:23:00.000-06:00

After Noah and the gang landed on the mountain, it was not recorded on parchment (since the animals had used it up), but the story was passed down through privileged generations that the ark had a calling to do something more self-fulfilling than just floating around with God's chosen in tow. Yes, she had been a soccer mom long enough, and wanted to pursue her dream of Broadway theater.

Did this happen?

2006-04-07T13:08:00.000-06:00

Women talk in the bathroom. I've heard that men don't. So we're in the middle of "transacting business" and talking about what I don't remember, when her phone rings. Nevermind that she brought it in there, but she answered it. And I wasn't finished - still a few seconds away from closing the deal, and hadn't even touched the paperwork. So, breep breep! and she's all, "Hello?" and this giant empty thought bubble appeared above my head. NOW nevermind that she brought the phone AND answered it mid-stream, but she flushed during the convo, and I'm STILL streaming. Have you ever had a double-what-the? It's not like the double-take, where you notice something and need another look. This is where there are successive occurrences of extreme abnormality, and the second what-the escalates in intensity exponentially from the first. A triple-what-the is rather rare and can invoke medical emergency in the what-the'er, and if alerted, the what-the'ee can even sustain physical decline. Anyhoo, I'm finishing and I now realize that she is not even speaking to a friend or family member, but someone at her dentist's office. Ewwww. I don't know. I just don't know. Okay, I'm coping with the surreality, and then I know I have to flush. I can't further the crazy, so I just wait, and listen to her wash her hands while still talking into the phone on her shoulder, and then clop-clop-clop her high heels out of the restroom... Unhold breath. Didn't notice I had it inside all this time. And flush.

He's everywhere!

2006-04-05T22:29:00.000-06:00

I keep seeing Kenny Rogers on different tv shows. He was on Nashville Star last week, and this week it's American Idol. I guess I'll watch for him to cameo on the new Rockstar:Put a Bunch of Has-Beens Together & Call It a Supergroup this summer.

Beach smack

2006-04-05T21:33:00.000-06:00

I didn't mean for this kid to look like a Donald Trump spawn. It just happened. Like the accidental Kenny Rogers coming soon.

Et tu, DQ?

2006-04-03T19:06:00.000-06:00

Did you ever have a Dairy Queen in your town and you would drive through and make your order specifically for two reasons: One is so you can see the server wiggle the shake upside-down, and making you think for that split-second that it's gonna splat on the concrete. The other thing is a tech way higher than microchips can handle. The vat o' liquid chocolate that turns into solid when you dunk a cone swirl in it. Awwwwww, yeah. You pull up to that window and there it is. Just to the right of the lady. All chocolatey brown and chocolatey thick and chocolatey sugary. Mmmmm... And then here comes the cone and the swirled-in ice milk. Pristine and glistening with frosty goodness. The chocolatey chocolateness beckons. The cone does not lurch or jump, but eases into the vat like a vacuum in slow motion. /Splork!/ And it is done. Our Dairy Queen closed about a year ago. It died when the highway's access roads converted to one-way. How I pine the Dairy of the Queen and all such that accompanies.

Ancient Relic #9

2006-04-03T18:40:00.000-06:00

1. Tapes
2. CDs
3. DVDs
4. MP3s
5. XM/Sirius
6. Your momma

snow leaks out

2006-04-03T17:15:00.000-06:00

I say it makes the viewer interactive. You finish it, viewer! Don't be lazy!

cut the cord

2006-04-01T16:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I left my cell phone at work on Thursday. Duh. That was stupid. But I wasn't gonna drive all the back to work to get it. Too far. [pause for effect] Far.

So I said to myself, "Hey we've got a phone at home that plugs in the wall, so I can just use that." Well, I plug it in - it's not plugged in since we only use the line for dumb dialup since our dumb town can't get dumb broadband. I'm sticking the plugger-inner part into the bottom of my trimline, slimline, whatever it is, and feeding the cord through the little cord path. Then, I'm rolling out the tangly cord from the kitchen to the living room so I can put it on the side table by the couch. And then I'm trying to decide: does the curly handset cord bunch up on the table, or hang off the table to the floor? And you know what I decided? Landlines bite.

crooky lip

2006-03-31T20:05:00.000-06:00

So... tell the truth kids, and your mouth won't get all crooky.

Make it cushy!

2006-03-31T19:53:00.000-06:00

Jim says he always knows whether I'm really hurt. He says if I go "ow!" then I'm not hurt. If I go "yaaarrrrrgh!" and it sounds like Cookie Monster singing opera, then it's bad.

Marketing

2006-03-31T16:42:00.000-06:00

You don't know what I'm talking about? All those pictures with the models wearing the clothes, and you're all, "Hey, I think I would like that outfit." And so you go to try it on and you figure out that the full-length mirror doesn't have an airbrush artist.

Geek Smack

2006-03-31T16:38:00.000-06:00

Found this among my saved files whilst sorting. I did ita couple months before I started the site.

bored at work

2006-03-31T15:46:00.000-06:00

This is what happens when I get stuck in a "hurry up and wait" position. Doodle doodle dawdle. I particularly enjoyed the stick people after I captioned them.

You don't know where I'm going

2006-03-29T09:26:00.000-06:00

The command is "heel," not "kneecap."

Fuji Jenga

2006-03-28T22:44:00.000-06:00

I'm gone all day and she's been practicing. On the couch. With her teeth. Did I mention that dogs don't have thumbs?

Ancient Relic #5

2006-03-28T21:20:00.000-06:00

I get my mail where I am typing now. I read my magazines and newspaper five inches above that. I pay my bills there too. What happens when the local podunk utility company doesn't have a website and doesn't take Visa over the phone? I have to drive a certain distance to buy a stamp, and the utility company is less than a mile from there, so can you say night drop?

Equal opportubbity

2006-03-28T20:57:00.000-06:00

Still water X diagonal = 0

Because sometimes mornings...

2006-03-28T20:16:00.000-06:00

...need to be a little faster. If I could just get those little hairs to come out by tricking out the vacuum, mornings would be a snap.

Ancient Relic #8

2006-03-28T20:06:00.000-06:00

Are there any restaurants left that do not have a drive-thru or pick-up or delivery? And when I do eat at home, I'm all about the toaster oven and the microwave. Oooh! And stuff that doesn't have to be cooked AT ALL! Sandwiches, yeah.

Stupid and Happy

2006-03-28T19:47:00.000-06:00

Are you tired of that annoy thump at the end of the day? Maybe you get headaches from stress or being overworked. Whatever the cause, when regular lame old pain relievers just don't do the job, and you're at your wit's end, use the end of your wit to grab for Cell Kill. Cell Kill gets rid of those pesky brain cells one by one until there's no pain left to experience. Thank you Cell Kill. Day doo Dell Dill.

Back petaling

2006-03-28T19:36:00.000-06:00

Some flowers are just snobby. Little girls gotta train somewhere. You can't do justice to Da Vinci in Crayola. Van Gogh, maybe.

Ancient Relic #4

2006-03-28T19:21:00.000-06:00

Seriously. I am so glad that I didn't waste time learning how to properly write in cursive. I can only think of a couple of uses for a pencil anymore. Standardized tests and scratching in your ear. No, okay wait. There was this one project that we used to do in elementary school art class... You tear off little pieces of colored tissue paper and and fold them over the end of the pencil eraser. Then you glue the little pieces side by side and make this fluffy fringey-looking picture or papier mache project or whatever. Man that wasa a long explanation, but yeah. Pencils.

Ancient Relic #2

2006-03-28T00:14:00.000-06:00

I used to have one with a watermelon pink plastic cover that you could see through. Because you want to make sure you get your money's worth, so get the cover that lets you peek in there and make sure all the parts are working. After a while, I was in college, and my mom gave me her old bag phone. He he. Bag phone. Yeah, it was huge. Still had the LED. Took a while to lose that.

Up your nose with a...

2006-03-28T00:05:00.000-06:00

I had to give you the answer because you'd be sitting there forever trying to figure it out, only for like 2 years later when you get sleep-silly and tell the story to someone, about how you couldn't figure out the ghost plus the rabid dog, and they just go "Booger." Because then you'd feel like an idiot and not sleep well even after your long grueling shift at 7-11. They really should change the name of that place, to like 24-7. People would get it. They probably just don't want to pay for new stationery.

O C*

2006-03-27T23:30:00.000-06:00

As a gift from Kenmore, Fridgert had the ability to stay cool out of season.

*You thought O C meant Orange County, but it doesn't. It means degrees Celsius, which Orange County doesn't use, since it's in Southern Cali.

Get the memo

2006-03-27T23:23:00.000-06:00

He still has not figured out Casual Friday.

Somethin about Sundays

2006-03-27T23:17:00.000-06:00

Yeah, you know what I'm talkin about.

Roll it up, Roll it up...

2006-03-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

Did you have a fall-through? Did you leave it in the rain and the metal rusted? Maybe you just wanted a new color. Well consider all those lawn chairs that can't live up to their name because they just haven't got the threads. These chairs have no one to look to except you. Don't merely discard those used ribbons... roll them up like you're the baker man and throw it in the pan. And by pan, we mean an envelope with our address on it. Plaid & Glad, PO Box 1212, Greenfarm, Iowa, [whatever zip code they use there].

straight good. curvy bad.

2006-03-27T22:33:00.000-06:00

It doesn't matter that you have a graphics tablet. If you want to draw curves, you had better have broadband. I have scrawnyband.

file this

2006-03-23T21:13:00.000-06:00

When furniture nails me on my dependence, I get this weak feeling for the first few minutes, like, "Oh, why didn't I pay more," and then I realize... HEY. You are furniture. I bought you. You are mine. I tell you what you're worth.

I'm a singing coach.

2006-03-23T21:02:00.000-06:00

Whitney Houston had the pinkest tongue in her music videos.

foot owie

2006-03-23T20:06:00.000-06:00

What's the deal when all I did is trip over an extension cord? I even thought it was funny when it happened because I kinda fell on my butt.

Larvae League

2006-03-23T16:49:00.000-06:00

You just know Spiderman was an awesome in Little League. Okay, I know that's not possible, since he didn't get bitten until he was older, but I needed a spin on the picture since I couldn't fit my thumb on the graphics tablet in the right way to make it show up in the little Sketch Swap window. And THEREFORE by golly, my turkey template was bamboozled.

shketches sketch

2006-03-23T16:48:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, at the end of the workday, when other people have gone home and it's just me, it gets a little unreal.

frisbee

2006-03-23T16:45:00.000-06:00

Fluffy was distraught. She wanted to play frisbee, but the way Billy held it up, it reminded her of Simon the Pieman on the corner of 5th and Pickett. Simon always used to turn the dough in the window, so proud of his Italian heritage, and his skill at evening out the crust by spinning it, manipulating it, caressing the viscous rawness of it all. Meanwhile, Fluffy would sneak in the side door and nose through the bowls of pepperoni, sausage and mozzarella. A veritable feast for a drifter. Then one day, the dog catcher came around and netted her. She sat in a chain-link prison for two weeks before reaching doggy death row. Pepe from the Humane Society came in and saw how fat she was. He knew she must've have been someone's prized pet. Pepe took her in, gave her shots, and put her in with the other dogs. Billy came in the very next day and adopted her. Now, Fluffy sits in the yard, dreaming of Simon the Really Into Himself and His Spinning Dough So Much That He Doesn't See a Stray Dog Eating His Profits Pieman.

Stick Girl Rants

2006-03-23T16:35:00.000-06:00

You know how it is. You're sitting on the couch, laptop in front of you, and the tv is on just beyond that. (refer to http://shketches.blogspot.com/2006/02/my-eyes.html for illustration) You're trying to blog while the commercials are on, but you're watching a dvr recording, so you're compelled to skip the commercials. But you can't put your laptop down and disappoint all those Shketches fans! And you CAN'T watch commercials! So you are now left only with the options of a) cloning yourself, which is illegal, b) imploding to join Stimpy when he played in his belly-button too long, c) splitting your efforts and missing a lot of The Simpsons while making an amateurish drawing and excuses to boot. I picked C in a poignant tribute to my college gpa.

Domo aragato

2006-03-21T22:40:00.000-06:00

Peanuts, shellfish, dust, pet dander, tempered steel. List of things that make me reach for an inhaler.

I don't like malls

2006-03-21T22:32:00.000-06:00

Holds true at Old Navy too.

Poo-nial

2006-03-21T22:20:00.000-06:00

No need for comment.

Chapo Snafu

2006-03-19T21:50:00.000-06:00

Schlamille, Schlamozzle. Are you the Punkin or the Mommo?

You can tell him

2006-03-19T21:37:00.000-06:00

The way you know it's a Hammerhead Shark is from his Isotoner gloves.

poster fright

2006-03-19T21:18:00.000-06:00

The rest of the family waited in the car for Michelle as she moved bare feet an inch at a time across her carpeted bedroom. All three cute guys from Lord of the Rings are watching her. She can't fit in the closet - its not a walk-in. Pizza buffet night at the Hut was wearing into the evening. Why did she pull out the pull-outs?? Why??!!

Email to Fresh Arrival

2006-03-19T13:26:00.000-06:00

Mon, Mar 13, 2006 at 1:15 PM ----- From: [Me] ----- To: [Fresh Arrival]
It's been about a month since Fresh Arrival had a post about Sketch Swap, and I am addicted to making sketches there. In fact, I was inspired to create a blog to show my scribblings. I let the site owners know (Dominik Schmid & Philipp Lenssen), and Phillipp blogged me. Thanks for the tip! Please see my site as well.
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Thu, Mar 16, 2006 at 11:20 PM ----- From: [FreshArrival] ----- To: [Me]
Shelli- Awesome! I think I'm going to link you up on FreshArrival tomorrow. Thanks for letting me know, and thanks for reading FreshArrival. Richard Felix Jr. FreshArrival http://www.fresharrival.com one amazingly cool thing, every weekday.
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Fri, Mar 17, 2006 at 1:29 AM ----- From: [Me] ----- To: [Fresh Arrival]
Sweet! I feel like a superstar. It's hard to explain to my mom what it is. She just says... "Oh, nice." But how cool is it when your 13-year-old son is telling his buddies they need to check out his mom's site, and they do. And then they're all, "Hey man, is your mom on crack?" That, my friend, is the highest compliment you can get from a middle-schooler. Thanks for the PR. I might make close to a dollar from my Google Ads this month! Woohoo! Shelli
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Fri, Mar 17, 2006 at 10:44 AM ----- From: [FreshArrival] ----- To: [Me]
Shelli- Haha! That email made my day. I'm stuck here at the car dealership (brand new car, 10,000 mile maintenance) and I have so much other stuff to do today...checking email from my Treo, and lo and behold, amongst all the spam, a gem.Thanks for that. I laughed out loud.
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Fri, Mar 17, 2006 at 12:23 PM ----- From: [Me] ----- To: [Fresh Arrival]
Happy to entertain. In Arkansas, we wait until one of the wheels falls off our home before we take it in for maintenance. (Quite the ambassador, I am.) Shelli
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Fri, Mar 17, 2006 at 12:44 PM ----- From: [Fresh Arrival] ----- To: [Me]
Haha! I'm from Louisiana.

Email to Sketch Swap

2006-03-19T13:19:00.000-06:00

Sat, Mar 11, 2006 at 9:40 PM ----- From: [Me] ----- To: [Sketch Swap’s main email]
I've loved drawing since I was small, so this site hit the spot for me. Thank you! In fact, I was inspired to create my own blog site, using screen prints from what I've drawn on your site. Go see! http://shketches.blogspot.com -Shelli
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Sun, Mar 12, 2006 at 6:22 AM ----- From: [Sketch Swap part owner guy] ----- To: [Me] ----- Cc: [Other Sketch Swap part owner guy]
Thanks Shelli, very nice work you're doin' .... I published this in my blog! Google Blogoscoped http://blog.outer-court.com
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Mon, Mar 13, 2006 at 1:05 PM ----- From: [Me] ----- To: [Sketch Swap part owner guy]
Sweet, I'm famous. I forgot to mention to you that I found Sketch Swap through www.fresharrival.com See the entry in the archives: http://www.fresharrival.com/blog/archives/2006/02/17/sketch-swap/ -Shelli

ruffled

2006-03-17T00:51:00.000-06:00

Chickens are their own thing. Do not attempt to psyche them out. They will put you in your place faster than an undiagnosed OCD sufferer.

sees in 2d

2006-03-17T00:48:00.000-06:00

He doesn't know he's at a swim meet. Don't tell him.

Window bell

2006-03-17T00:43:00.000-06:00

Why's it necessary to have windows AND doors? Kind of redundant. Just merge the two. It can't be that difficult to make a window that's just a little easier to step through. And dogs would be so much happier too.

keep my five dollars

2006-03-17T00:41:00.000-06:00

I've got Penn and UConn. I have no idea. Can I pick the Mavericks to win?

can't find it?

2006-03-17T00:31:00.000-06:00

Socks, earrings, mittens... At Matches - Not Those Kind, whatever you've lost, we've found! We spend countless hours scouring under couch cushions, behind chests of drawers and that little crack between the washer and dryer so you don't have to! Call us today and we'll give you Preventative Maintenance free as a bonus to our valued mishap-prone customer!

got it right here

2006-03-17T00:25:00.000-06:00

Did you ever watch Let's Make a Deal where at the end of the show, Monty is telling people if they can come up with whatever kind of a thing, he will give them a hundred bucks? If I could drive my car into the tv studio, I would have all Monty's c-notes. Aww, yeah. And then I guess I'd put 'em on the dashboard and hope they don't fly out the window while I'm procrastinating going to the bank for the next day and a half.

non-evolve

2006-03-17T00:09:00.000-06:00

Did you ever wish you didn't have to get off the couch to pull the string to make the ceiling fan go from medium to high? No? Well how 'bout you're at Sonic and your giant SUV side mirror prevents you from parking close enough to push the little red button on the order menu. NOW you want some long arms, don't chu?

Jingle Jangle Optional

2006-03-17T00:02:00.000-06:00

One day Butch was chuggin' along on his ole mare, Toots, when outa nowhere came a rustlin' sound like twernt never heard by his fuzzy flappin' ears. Oh can this western speak - he was impaled by a Samurai sword, and his horse had to get on her Blackberry to her Budweiser Clydesdale fiance for some wagon assistance. It took a while due to the Dalmatians setting up a trap along Main Street out of their arrogant jealousy. Long story short, Butch used to be long and now is short. This niche serves a need. Happens all the time.

P-Munk

2006-03-11T19:33:00.000-06:00

Wahhhh!! Somebody call the Waaam-bulance, Shrimpy's gone all pansy. Sheesh. You'd never see Chia Elmer Fudd going on like this.

Kuh-shlurp

2006-03-11T19:22:00.000-06:00

Similar to the way dogs smell in ratio to the human sense, there is rather an upward surge in tastiosity when comparing the human's to the canine's.

He's my home dog

2006-03-11T19:10:00.000-06:00

Alright, so it wasn't in a taxi, but our dog's pretty smart. It could be that he was gone for 5 days to work for the Feds and they paid his way home... instead of the usual paternity leave he takes to watch his children being born in some adjacent neighborhood. He's no deadbeat dog, y'know. Every time he gets under the fence, it's to see his family. Y'know - the family that looks like him.

Wilde Action

2006-03-11T14:31:00.000-06:00

He's my dad's favorite writer, so I got him this from McPhee's. I guess we knew what type of action the "action figure" would deliver. This is it. He's passed out on the 17-inch. Oscar...? Hello....... Wake up, buddy, it's prose time. C'mon, open your eyes, guy. Open mic night!! THERE he is!

Thumbs up

2006-03-11T14:26:00.000-06:00

The groove of the thing is that monkeys don't care. Fancy or not fancy, it's the ketchup that makes it a feast. Listen here, kitty-cat: a chimp knows he going to get the Clint Eastwood movie every time. That blows your Fancy Feast fee down the San Franciscan trolleyed street.

U can't handle it.

2006-03-11T14:21:00.000-06:00

He doesn't get it. You have to be chubby. Go get some french fries, man. Banana split. Do not mod your bod with what's on sale from Home Depot. Those things belong on a swing set or something.

Tablet was new

2006-03-06T13:58:00.000-06:00

When my tablet was new, I had this overwhelming zeal for sketching, tracing, embellishing, reviving the ancient art of cursive writing, etc.
Anyhoo, this out-of-focus snap became fodder for my obsession.