Uhhhhh...

I don't know. I just had this cute moment. I had to purge it. 

M'shoe! --Gesundheit!

It's pretty windy when your shoe and sock are coming off, but that's not the point. Who's to say that when you think it's a really windy day, it isn't really God hurtling us through the universe just for whatever reason he has. Horizontal gravity. So if you happen to be wearing a necktie, is that a bad thing, or does it just mean that people keep thinking you're tapping them on the shoulder? 

When Howie says...

I don't want to go to the break. I want to see if the contestant says "deal" or "no deal." You can't watch this show live, because you might dig your toes through the carpet down to the foundation if you DON'T! GET! TO SKIP! THE COMMERCIALS! But here's the thing they do that makes you mad after you Tivo* it... You've skipped all the ads, and at the end of the show, they say So-and-so just won $10,000 by playing at home! Wha..? That could've been me! I would've paid 95 cents plus local-charges-may-apply to text whatever to some number for the chance at TEN GRAND! hhhhhhhhhhh! Alright, well, it comes on 3 more nights this week, but when American Idol's on at the same time, you have to record something.

*I don't have Tivo, I just said it because it's easier to use as a verb than DVR.

Never gets it right

When the memo came out about the Bloodmobile coming to the office last Thursday, he thought it was like the BOOKmobile where you can check something out or buy something or whatever happens with a bookmobile and some books. He was all grossed out. He's dumb. That's what I'm trying to say. Dumb.

That's Ms. Piggy to you

Pick the right size ladies, don't pick a fight with your pinky toe. The little piggy always wins! Do you wear those shoes the next day? NO! Because you CAN'T, ya pansy! What are you going to do, now that you can't wear any shoes to work other than those hot pink and in some cases lime green slide-on fake Chucks? How's that gonna look with your pin stripes? Your tweed? You have to take a sick day and lie about why. Why? Because of your little throbbing pinky toe. You Lose.

Ole Woody

In the first place, I commend Jeb for adopting an orphaned pirate dog with four wooden legs. Good for Jeb in that respect. The problem here, is that the shelter didn't give Jeb the instruction for the proper care of Woody. Pine-legged pirate dogs (even non-scurvy sea dogs) have great difficulty climbing hills. Next, we have to address the idea that it appears Jeb values his belt more than his best furry friend. Did you ever try to run up a hill, or down for that matter, with your gangsta saggin' jeans hangin' off your hiney?

The difference

You can't write very small and still be legible with a mouse. And forget drawing. 

Stash your face in here!

It's difficult to pull off the Flynn look, so the price has dropped considerably since it first hit the sales counter. 

Impale Ishmael

What can I say, he watched School of Rock and it stuck. Yeah, I said it stuck. 

Her name was Lola

I guess Barry Manilow's making a comeback. I've seen him on like twenty-leven talk shows.

Where is...

Dogs don't have this problem.

My Eyes!

It was Craig Ferguson on the Really Super Are You Truly Still Up Show. Heeee's funny. 

Dress appropriately already!

Seriously. The guy doesn't match. The jacket's nice. It's easy. Just put a shirt with it. You don't even have to wear a tie. 

Half empty or half full

I did not have to use the red-eye eliminator on this picture. Also, see the little pencil on my i? That's a leftover cursor from my graphics tablet. Do you like the Steve on Blue's Clues, or the Joe? Look, a rainbow! I need to stretch my feet, but I'm afraid of a cramp. 

Difference Dance

Now you know the difference. But this girl - I don't think she'll go far as a ballerina. Nevermind the tiny head, that might actually be a mark in her favor compared to her giant pointy fingers and one deflated leg. Now - by contrast - the doodoo has got it goin' on. Just look at the curl on that steam pile. Dairy Queen could've served it on a cone. Breathe in. (sniiiiiiiiifffffff) Doodoo.

A desk I think

Yo, school desks need love too.

Sheep Endorsement

I just thought you should see that the sheep in "A Close Shave" can do more than just be herded. If you need an endorsement from a sheep, ring me.

AB, watr u doin?

What's up with Adrien Brody that he can be introduced to America by winning an Oscar, then tells the band to shush while he finishes his acceptance speech and THEY DO IT, and then his next career move is to do a...

Coke commercial? 

New York, New Yoorrrrrrrk!

Behind the Song: New York, New York.

Dogsense

Yeah, this is the equivalent. Pretty much.

PFJ Alert

You wish to go home and re-think your office supplies.

I'm dumb

Self-explanatory, but hypocritical because hey, I could have just typed that instead of writing it with the graphics tablet. 

Put it on the shopping list

Young Paul Harvey doesn't get the story. Nevermind the rest of the story.

No-nose Jones

She doesn't have a nose in the first place. That's her sympathy factor. If she just had a bum nose and wanted to trade it in, then we'd just say, "Live with what you were given, girl." But you might still be thinking she should be happy she doesn't have to smell ammonia and meat farts. But no. She doesn't have a nose. She can never be snooty. She can't thumb her nose at anything. And what's the use of her pinky without boogers?

kKhht! Electronics, line one. kKhht!

Is he related to Dustin Diamond? I totally used to watch Saved By the Bell.

Bunnism

Floyd the Barber would not snicker. 

Eskimo Anthropology

Did they have cave people in Alaska? Maybe it's an igloo cave drawing.

New Math

Am I saying girls aren't good at math? No. I'm saying girls with ponytails are pretty. 

from the horse's mouth

Where did the saying come from: "straight from the horse's mouth?" I guess it's supposed to mean that horses don't lie. So, if you really want a happy marriage... no, that can't be right. That's like against the laws of humanity. Start over. So, if you want a banker you can trust... no, because he couldn't work the computer or even pick up the phone. How 'bout: So, never tell a horse a secret. Yessss!

Fancy Skater Guy

This one started with just the guy's head. Then he got arms and legs and finally, I decided he was going to skate, so I gave him a blade. Then stripes jumped on his shirt, and before you know it, a wall came up and fans crowded the stands. Next thing is the guy tells me he's "so-o fancy." I'm all, "Okay, guy, let's get some shouts for you from the people." They're sing-shouting, kind of like, the Yao Miiiiing, Yao Ming Yao Ming Yao Miiiiiiiiing! song.











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